all blogged out

visit the reincarnation at mindcandy.multiply.com

hey!

i've moved here:
http://mymindcandy.blogspot.com/

Valentine boohoos

So i spent Valentine's Day alone (again). Kill me. What am i missing out on anyway? Flowers, an expensive candlelit dinner, a more expensive gift, and multiple orgasms. All of which i can get even without a steady boyfriend. Hah.
I was out with a younger guy yesterday. His name is John Mark. He was saying that before he finally marries someone he'd rather that he and his girl live together for a while before taking the plunge; like a trial period before finally purchasing the product. And when he finds that they are compatible, then they marry; if not, they can always part ways with no strings attached. A workable theory only that somewhere along the way emotions get in the way and everything gets messed up. One or both of the people involved inevitably get hurt. If only when we enter into a relationship we can present our partners with a disclaimer: "emotions sold separately."
So why are we so hung up on that thing called love? I don't know. But Tita Barbara (Streisand) said it best in The Mirror Has Two Faces, love..."while it lasts, it feels great."

holiday jeers

I don't really like Christmas. Especially here in our country where the xmas lights start to litter the metropolis and the radio barrages us with xmas songs as early as September, by the time Christmas day comes, you're so fed up with holiday cheer you just want the year to end already. Maybe because i found out about Santa Claus at such an early age so i dont really enjoy xmas unless i get a lot of gifts (ha!); i overheard my older siblings talking about my confidential letter to Santa when i was 8.
I was dis-illusioned about a lot of things in life as a child. Growing up surrounded by adults gave me a very "mature" perspective about life even at such a young age. Not to say that i had a boring childhood, contrarily, my mental life as a child was very colorful. I remember my Mom telling me that i was always talking about my adventures with my invisible friends, Pipip and Kola. Sigh. I still remember them and the great times we had; but i dont see them anymore. I think i stopped seeing them around the same time the PC was invented. Then i got addicted to TV and the internet and i lost touch with my childhood friends. Now i only have online friends, no more invisible friends.
Merry Christmas, Pipip and Kola. I miss you.

Alexander the Gweat

Watching Alexander is like watching a highly melodramatic PInoy telenovela. The scriptwriter was too fixated on Alexander's sexuality that he failed to paint the real man or, rather, the human behind the icon. It's like looking at Achilles and seeing only his heel. The most unforgettable scene for me was when Alexander's longtime "friend", Hephaistion, lay dying and he was lamenting by the window. It was highly amusing to see Alexander rant at the healer when it was all his fault that the other man died; if he had called the healer instead of crying like a schoolboy, his "best friend" would have had a chance.
My gay friends, PJ and O, and I left the cinema giggling to ourselves. What did we learn from the movie? That it was actually Alexander the Great who started the fad for brooches, ponchos, and that oh-so-sexy leather miniskirt. Hihihihi.
I learned more from watching Santa, Santita. AMEN.

that anti-spectrum bullshit

i never realized that in this day and age, there are still people out there who believe in anarchy. i pity these people. while the rest of us are struggling to be enlightened, they are actually making the effort to regress back to the uncivilized life.
these are people who waste the opportunity for a good education on meaningless pursuits. hey, if they wanna destroy their lives, let them. the less people in the world, the better.
these are people who read too much but understand little.
and these are people who have not learned one thing that we all learned while with the Spectrum, you can never bring a good person down with words of hate alone.

once a Spectrumite, always a Spectrumite. Animo!

missing me

i feel like i live in two dimensions. on one level, i have always been the misanthropic biatch who would rather talk to herself in the mirror than suffer in the company of other people. on another level, i am the sweet, fun-loving, thoughtful co-worker who would endure one-sided conversations (with me on the listening end) at the pantry during the office lunch hour.

somehow, though, i'm not myself anymore.

i miss writing. i miss having all the time in the world to do nothing but immerse myself in my own mental universe. i miss the deliberate act of writing down my random thoughts in pen and paper. now i'm resigned to writing blogs and emails. i feel so detached from the world that i revelled in.

i miss being involved, not with someone, but in something. i miss having a mission and a purpose. oh, i still have my goals, but somehow, i've been sidetracked by the need to make ends meet. my life as a student writer was filled with the all-consuming passion to question the notions people have always percieved as truth and to make individuals criticize the realities they're used to. now as a call center e-rep, i find myself drowning in mundane concerns; bills to pay, quotas to reach, appraisals to pass...like a zoid in auto-mode: i eat, i work, i sleep and ,then, i wake up and do it all over again without complaint.

i miss sharing uncensored thoughts with kindred souls at 3 in the morning. i remember spending countless nights with the friends who know me the most--talking about life, politics, faith (and the necessity of God), the futility of nurturing romantic relationships, man's addiction to celebrity, insatiable needs, unwanted pleasures, and whatever else we could think of.

i miss the feeling of knowing that although i don't have all the things i want, i had all the things i need.

the weirdest thing is, i find myself 'enjoying' the monotony of the life i live now. and that scares me.